The ER

We parked at St. V's. This was about the time Ivy realized we were at a hospital. She became very anxious, but I was able to talk her down again by explaining this was the only place there were doctors working at this time of night. I checked Ivy in at the desk. When they gave me a hospital bracelet to put on her, it became real. I thought again about being admitted, being diagnosed with diabetes officially. I teared up, but hid it. I knew I had to be strong.


We sat in the waiting room and watched iCarly. Ivy sat with me mostly. She's a mama's girl when it comes down to it. She was thirsty and hungry. It was around 7 and she hadn't eaten. We were finally called back by a short, stocky male nurse.


St. V's has a pediatric ER, which was nice. Ivy was far from receptive about the pulse-ox being on her, getting her temperature taken, being weighed. I'm sure she was scared... I know I was.


We were put in an exam room and a doctor came to talk to us. I explained what had been going on. He almost seemed to downplay it. They wanted another urine sample. I couldn't understand why they wouldn't just test her blood sugar and get it over with. They almost seemed to be implying the doctors office was overreacting. Getting Ivy to go to the bathroom wasn't as difficult the second time around. She peed and we went back to the room, watched tv and waited.


Nurses and doctors were in and out. The results of the urine test came back.... She was spilling sugar in her urine. Ya think? Pretty sure that's what I said when we checked in. the nurse told us ivy would need an iv. My heart sank again. I knew this would be very traumatic. We questioned this decision, but it made sense... It was one poke versus multiple pokes if more blood was needed.


The nurse put a numbing cream on ivy's hand and arm, the two possible spots for the iv. Ivy screamed and cried when the cream was applied. I KNOW that didn't hurt, so I couldn't imagine what the iv would be like. Or nurse mentioned another nurse wa coming to help. I don't remember his name, but he was quite a big man. The room quickly filled up with people - doctors, nurses, paramedics. They surrounded the bed and began holding ivy down.


I had been trying so hard to stay strong, to not cry, to not show ivy how scared I really was. She was so terrified at this point, surrounded by strangers, being held down. My eyes started to water... I felt panicky, I felt closed in. I felt like I was in the way, there was no where for me to stand, and I lost it. Tears streaming down my face, I ran from the room. I could hear her crying no matter where I went. She was terrified... You have never heard a child cry the way she was. It was a primal scream, and I don't want to admit it, but I couldn't handle it. I tried to go to the bathroom, but I could still hear her. The one thing I give nathan credit for the while time we were in the hospital is straying with her for this, which allowed me to try to run. If he weren't there, I would have stayed. I was glad to be able to run.


That's a hard thing to admit and a hard thing to explain.... Wanting to be as far away as possible when your child needs you the most. I didn't want to desert her, and I never would have left if her father wasn't there, but I just couldn't handle seeing her in pain and so scared.


I heard the nurse say, "honey, I'm done." Ivy was still screaming, but I re-entered the room. The nurse was putting ivy's little hand on a board, so moving it wouldn't move the iv. They drew blood at this point, and ivy settled down enough for me to cuddle in bed and read to her.

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