They put the numbing cream on her other hand. We waited for it to take effect. Twenty minutes later, they came back to do the IV. Not as many nurses this time, but they were still holding Ivy down. The first nurse blew the vein where the numbing cream had been. A second nurse took her place and placed an IV in another spot, a spot that wasn't numbed. I am thankful that she got that IV on the first try, but if I close my eyes, I can still hear the primal screaming of my little girl being hurt. I stayed in the room this time, and held her as best I could.
Her blood sugar was in the 400s, most likely because the ER had given her dinner. The insulin drip was started.... the nurse explained it was a mixture of insulin and fluids, and the ratio would be adjusted through the night. Looking back, this was my first clue of how much of a guessing game, a crap shoot, diabetes truly is.
Nathan left to go home and sleep. Ivy and I settled in for the night. She fell asleep close to 1am. The nurses really did come in every hour on the hour. I saw the clock hit 2, then 3, then 4. As tired as I was, I just couldn't sleep. The next thing I knew, it was 6:30 and I was up for the day. Nathan got back around 7, and Michelle and Andy came and picked me up so I could go get my car. I didn't like being stuck at the hospital. I think by having a car, I felt a little control. I had no control over anything at this point. I wanted that damn car.
We went to McDonald's. I hadn't eaten since lunch the day before. Sausage McMuffins have never tasted so good. We dropped Andy off at work and Michelle took me to the apartment. She made me promise to take a shower. She said I needed to take care of myself if I was going to be able to take care of Ivy. A wonderful piece of advice. So I took a shower, put on clean clothes and drove back to the hospital.
When I got there, there was a man in Ivy's room. I soon learned this was Dr. Watkins, the pediatric endocrinologist on call. He was to become Ivy's endo. I felt absolutely horrible that I wasn't there when he got there. I wanted to be super mom, I wanted to be a part of the whole process and the moment I leave, I miss something important. In all honesty, I really didn't have any questions for him, though. I had accepted the diagnosis. I know what diabetes is. At the time, I felt like there was nothing I needed to know. He explained that a Diabetes Educator would be in later, then the following day we would talk to the educator again as well as a dietitian. I appreciated knowing what was going to happen. I think as long as I feel like I am prepared, I am okay. The uncertainty is what is the worst for me, and Dr. Watkins did a good job of making me feel prepared.
The second IV came out. They were done running the hourly tests. The insulin drip came out. Her blood glucose was stabilized. It seemed like progress was being made. And then the pokes started.
Poke before breakfast. Shot after. Poke before lunch. Shot after. Rinse and repeat.
Ivy cried a lot. She fought the process at every chance. I know she was scared, but she was also exhausted, both mentally and physically. When the CDE came in, Ivy actually fell asleep. She slept through a shot, she slept through hearing about her new reality... which was okay. Learning about the carb counting and the insulin dosing and the beta cells was for us, the grown ups. All Ivy needed to know was that we would take care of her. That's all any child needs to worry about and I wanted it to stay that way for Ivy... no new concerns, just knowing that we would be there for her and do our best to keep her healthy and happy.
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